How to NOT Annoy the Hell Out of Family Members When Confined

Comedian Jimmy Fallon recently joked, after being confined at home, that he and his wife really like each other. With many states shuttering all nonessential business as a means to stop the spread of the COVID-19 virus, and numerous DPHA members closing their showrooms, there’s a strong possibility that you are spending more time at home than ever before. How do you remain sane when your kids are bouncing off the wall and your usual activities have ground to a halt? Without being able to go to the gym, watch March Madness, grab a beer at our favorite watering hole or go to the movies, we find ourselves in limbo. The only adult interaction we have on a daily basis is with our significant other, who is also stuck at home. How do you avoid, under confined quarters, annoying the hell out of one another?

The husband and wife team Julie and John Gottman have been studying partners’ conversations for nearly 50 years and have some great advice for staying sane and civil when you can’t go out.

The Gottmans found that the most successful marriages and relationships live by constant guidelines. Instead of finding fault, successful couples look at what their partner does correctly and “say thank you” dozens of times daily, even for the smallest or most routine gestures such as making coffee first thing in the morning.

Here are some of their other Dos and Don'ts:

• Successful couples do look for beauty and positive traits in their partner and call them out.
• Successful couples don’t make criticism or contempt part of their vocabulary.
• Successful couples don’t call each other nasty names or roll their eyes and scoff.
• Successful couples do express what they need, rather than what they resent.
• Successful couples do compromise fairly.
• Successful couples don’t fight about dreams and values that are nonnegotiable.
• Successful couples cuddle and touch each other often with affection and not just hanky panky.

Consider this advice; At the end of the day before going to sleep, each partner should discuss the highs and lows of the day and what they are worrying about outside of the family dynamic. Those listening should not try to resolve any of the worries they hear. Instead, ask for more details and demonstrate empathy.

The Gottmans claim that there is no such thing being “too needy” or that “solo self-reliance is the ideal.” In these uncertain and scary times, recognize that we need one another more than ever – especially the person you live with. “Let’s cultivate a little more kindness between us.” Here, here!